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Still miss those coconut donutsI miss so much about you. I miss our walks and the secret places we found to make love. I miss hobbit land and the little places we found to make love. Remember the box we found? Wish now we would have left something in it. We did so much, we talked, I even thought we were becoming best friends. I miss our trips to our Island and our beach. I understand why you chose to stay with her, you have so much stuff to lose and as you said you worked hard for all you have and I am not worth giving it all up for. Yes I fell apart when I found out you lied to me and were lying to her and did some rotten things and I wish you could know how sorry I am that I let my hurt and anger do my thinking instead of just letting go and walking away to leave you to fix the mess you made. Now I find out you had someone else for years before you had me and kept her too, along with me and your wife. And I find out you had even more than just us, I need to know just how many women you have done this to! I just need to know did you ever even really love me? Did you really feel the electricity between us when we made love? Did your toes really curl like mine did when we kissed? Was I just another toy? After all I told you, all the hurt and pain I have had in my life, did you really think playing with my heart and head was the right thing to do to me? If you have really cared about me why didn't you let me go? I told you when this was all started I was too broken to try again and you pushed and wormed your way into my life and heart even I fought every step. And then I fell HARD. I loved you so much, I would have given my life for you. I spent holidays alone crying, I spent all my nights alone, thinking about you sleeping warm and snuggled up to your wife while I lay in my bed alone and crying with only my dogs to snuggle up to. I pushed family and friends away so I would have all my time free, so just in case you wanted me I would be free. I even let my suffer, the stress of all of the hurt and love and never knowing where I really fit put so much on me physiy that I was sick so often, once again that gut was telling me something, but my heart just wouldn't listen. You told me you loved me, we were soul mates, you had never forgotten me even after all these years you thought maybe you had always loved me and destiny put us back together so we could grow old together. I believed it all, every lie, every kiss, every time we made love, I believed you truly felt what I felt for you. in my driveway looking me straight in the eyes telling me you didn't know it could be like this, that you never ever expected to know these feelings we shared. And then I find out there were others, were all those things you said to me said to so many others that you really had the act down perfect? And now I hurt once again, 3 plus months and I am finally getting over you and I find out now that all along there were so many others. I thought the pain was but now the betrayal and all the things that were said and done were and just a game. Did you ever feel anything for me but hatred? You are a piece of work. I really do believe in karma, mine is the pain and betrayal for loving a married man and yours is gonna be big my friend really big when you think of all the damage and hurt you have caused so many. I really hope I am around to hear about it, because I tell you there will be one big celebration in my heart when you finally get what you deserve. How you look in the mirror and see anything but an iceberg is beyond my understanding. I hope that the years you have left on this planet are the most miserable years you ever have. After all of this I finally have it in me to let go of you and that last little hope that it was all some big misunderstanding and in the end we would be together. The man you pretended to be never existed and I fell in love with an illusion. But I know that there really is someone out there who will really love me and have enough care to help put all the pieces back together again. Cuz as you know, I am a very loving, giving soul and I will find that in someone someday. You know who this is. If you don't your buddy t. does and he can make sure you get this. I will just never understand how you can take something broken put it back to gether again only to totally what you built. I will always wonder what it was in our past that made you hate me so much that you could look me up 30 years later only to everything I thought I found good in me. Life moves on and time will the pain but the question will always remain, WHY ME? view 2 photos
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